Creative mom with 2 crazy kids could only mean one thing: great blog topics!!!!
Sunday, January 6, 2013
3 Legitimate Fears
The next thing on the 30 things my kids should know about me list is to describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears. I was struggling with how to answer this. Do I give things I am afraid of like bugs, heights, etc.? Or do I go more in depth with fears of failure, trust, etc? I decided to go with my instinct and go the in depth route. Thought that would make me a bit more honest rather than copping out with simple fears that many people have.
1. My biggest fear is Hell. According the Bible and Catholic beliefs, I am destined for Hell. I have faith that the Lord will forgive me for those things I have learned from and not committed again, but what about the sins I continue to commit. Will he see me as unrepentant? Will he think that I do not deserve forgiveness? Any Christian reading this who has a strong faith will say that God is forgiving and will grant me my eternal home in Heaven if I seek forgiveness, but my faith isn't that strong. I hope that it would be, but I legitimately fear that my bond with God isn't strong enough for him to see that I am actually trying and sorry. And then I wonder what sins he even looks at. The Bible states eating shellfish, wearing cotton, having sex for reasons other than procreating, and consumerism. Am I going to be judged on these sins that do not seem like sins in today's world? I am trying to build a stronger relationship with God to build my trust that I will be forgiven if I seek forgiveness and that I can trust in His plans for me better.
2. Another huge fear of mine is not being a good enough mother. My children are my life and I would do anything for them. However, every mother makes mistakes in the upbringing of their children. I am hoping mine are minor mistakes and nothing that effects my children in a huge way. I choose to stay home with my kids rather than send them to daycare so that I can be the only one (and my husband) to have and impact in their very impressionable minds at this age. I do not like to think of other people disciplining my kids while they are so little and not really able to comprehend what they are doing wrong. I also don't like to think of them not being disciplined for doing something I would not let them do. I feel that being able to stay home and have a hand in their early learning and development gives me a better advantage with the relationship with my kids.
My Grandparents Wedding Day
3. My last big fear is divorce. My husband and I have a great relationship, but they say that half of all marriages end in divorce. I do not want that for our relationship. I want to spend the rest of my life with him by my side. Imagining a life without him is painful. I do not want us to be another statistic on marriage failure. I want to celebrate a 50 year anniversary like my grandparents. I want to be a good example of what a marriage should be for my kids. I want a marriage like my parents have. Ray takes sch great care of my mother and us girls. And my mother is in a marriage where she is free to be herself, safe, and happy. Their love is amazingly strong for one another. I hope to instill those values of marriage in my children.