The next thing on the
30 things my kids should know about me list is to describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears. I was struggling with how to answer this. Do I give things I am afraid of like bugs, heights, etc.? Or do I go more in depth with fears of failure, trust, etc? I decided to go with my instinct and go the in depth route. Thought that would make me a bit more honest rather than copping out with simple fears that many people have.
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| Ryenn's Baptism |
1. My biggest fear is Hell. According the Bible and Catholic beliefs, I am destined for Hell. I have faith that the Lord will forgive me for those things I have learned from and not committed again, but what about the sins I continue to commit. Will he see me as unrepentant? Will he think that I do not deserve forgiveness? Any Christian reading this who has a strong faith will say that God is forgiving and will grant me my eternal home in Heaven if I seek forgiveness, but my faith isn't that strong. I hope that it would be, but I legitimately fear that my bond with God isn't strong enough for him to see that I am actually trying and sorry. And then I wonder what sins he even looks at. The Bible states eating shellfish, wearing cotton, having sex for reasons other than procreating, and consumerism. Am I going to be judged on these sins that do not seem like sins in today's world? I am trying to build a stronger relationship with God to build my trust that I will be forgiven if I seek forgiveness and that I can trust in His plans for me better.
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| September 2011 |
2. Another huge fear of mine is not being a good enough mother. My children are my life and I would do anything for them. However, every mother makes mistakes in the upbringing of their children. I am hoping mine are minor mistakes and nothing that effects my children in a huge way. I choose to stay home with my kids rather than send them to daycare so that I can be the only one (and my husband) to have and impact in their very impressionable minds at this age. I do not like to think of other people disciplining my kids while they are so little and not really able to comprehend what they are doing wrong. I also don't like to think of them not being disciplined for doing something I would not let them do. I feel that being able to stay home and have a hand in their early learning and development gives me a better advantage with the relationship with my kids.
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| My Grandparents Wedding Day |
3. My last big fear is divorce. My husband and I have a great relationship, but they say that half of all marriages end in divorce. I do not want that for our relationship. I want to spend the rest of my life with him by my side. Imagining a life without him is painful. I do not want us to be another statistic on marriage failure. I want to celebrate a 50 year anniversary like my grandparents. I want to be a good example of what a marriage should be for my kids. I want a marriage like my parents have. Ray takes sch great care of my mother and us girls. And my mother is in a marriage where she is free to be herself, safe, and happy. Their love is amazingly strong for one another. I hope to instill those values of marriage in my children.
I have so much to say about your first fear. While it is normal to fear hell, those who have been born again in Christ can be assured of their salvation. There is nothing you can do on your own to get to heaven, as we all sin. That's what the cross is for . Many of the sins/laws you listed were done away with after Jesus died on the cross and represent the Jews' old covenant with God. Not what we must live by in current day. As soon as Jesus died the way to eternal life with God was made clear: we are to confess we are sinners and ask Jesus to come into our hearts. Once this is done we must live a new life in Him, modeling our lives after Christ. Yes, we will continue to sin, but we must strive not to. Not so much out of fear of Hell but out of love of God. If you have asked Jesus into your heart and have a personal relationship with Him (talk to Him just as you would a friend!) then I KNOW where you're going and you can too. "For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son. That He whoever believes in Him shall not parish but have everlasting life." John 3:16. That's it, that's the secret. No sin will keep you from God as His Son took the sin of every single human for all of time onto Himself when He died on the cross. He was the perfect sacrifice for our transgressions and now we can live forever in Him. What a gift.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this. I really did need to hear this. I always question how things work and I should just have faith that my love for the Lord and my effort at living a wholesome life is enough.
ReplyDeleteHey, Emily, I've been reading your blog for a while since I saw you in the Holla Knits group. You weren't kidding about being honest! If you're willing to share your weaknesses like this, imagine how much wisdom you'll have to share with your kids too!
ReplyDeleteThese are fears I think a lot of women have. I used to have a lot of fear (I'm not saying you have a lot of fear.) I was really anxious about my marriage and family for a few years. I did "trust Jesus as savior" but I needed to learn to trust Him with everyday cares too. Once I really trusted Him with my life, my fears began to calm. I'm very different today. I agree with Anonymous that it all boils down to us realizing we sin and then accepting Christ's death as a gift to pay the penalty for it. If you've already done that, your only responsibility after that is to trust Him each day as He changes you. John 13:3-10 just popped in my head (well I had to google it) where Jesus kind of explains that once someone accepts him as savior and trusts Him with their life, they are spiritually clean (forgiven, saved) but when they sin after that, like people do, they can go to Him for a sort of "spot cleaning." 2corinthians 3:18 is another one that encourages me. You may already know all this, but I wanted to encourage you as a child of God/ wife/ mother.
Thanks Michelle. I am hoping to teach my kids that everyone weaknesses and strengths. I want them to believe that just because you have one area you may feel you are failing at, you could have a hundred more that you succeeding at. I am hoping to teach my kids as much about life as humanly possible.
ReplyDeleteI am thankful for your comments as well. I seem to forget that we are expected to sin and that we must try our hardest to not. I forget that I can spend enternity in Heaven even if I have sinned. I am optimisic in most areas of life, except for this. I think this is because eternity is a long time. Here on Earth is such a short perd of time. Screwing up your eternity is a huge deal. Thanks again for sharing and reading!